When I first got into contact with horses on a daily basis, I was already walking a process of Self-Investigation – analysing who I am and where I can improve myself to make my daily life and living more effective and enjoyable. For me, spending time with horses was a ‘hobby’, something I did for fun to ‘take my mind off things’. Yet, soon enough, it became very clear that working with horses and spending time with them was not the kind of ‘break’ I was looking for. Quite the opposite happened actually. My buttons were continuously being pushed and no matter how much I just wanted to ‘relax’ and enjoy myself around the horses and specifically the horse I ended up having as my companion, I found myself in an almost constant state of inner conflict. I really wanted to get to know my horse and have a fun relationship, but he was bullying me and I ended up feeling anxious just being around him. When I had first met him at the farm he was at before coming to live with us, he seemed like a sweet and grounded horse. But when it came to daily interaction, a whole new dynamic came to the surface. In the first few weeks, I’d need to keep his halter on in the stable while grooming him because he was quite irritable and was all too happy to bite and nip to express his opinions of whatever I was doing. With the assistance of others, I was able to set boundaries and stabilise myself through addressing my fear-based relationship with him.
When I was a child, I got my share of beatings which left a very deep impression on me and affected my entire life (and is something I am still working through). Now, having this BIG animal with massive strength and power around me, scared me to no end. Just seeing him, his grumpy expression and the intensity of his movements – whether directed towards me or not – would trigger all sorts of memories and bring me back to my childhood scared and insecure self. When I was a child, all I could do to cope with the situation was to draw back inside myself and wait it out in a state of total fear and petrification.
My experience of myself around my horse was absolutely awful. I had a choice to make: I could either stop participating with horses, or I could change and empower myself – teach and give myself the tools I did not have as a child, to find a constructive way to work with another being who is angry and expresses it physically – without getting hurt and diminishing myself in the process.
This has proven to be a very challenging task. Every fibre of my being has been set up, since childhood, to avoid conflict at any and all costs, especially situations where things could get physical. It was very difficult to give up my primary coping mechanism I had developed in conflict situations. I had to constantly remind myself that I was no longer a child and powerless – I was an adult now and I did not have to be a victim of the situation. I was very scared to change, because all I knew was that ‘avoidance’ would keep me safe. So every day I made the deliberate effort to change, to be present, here and work with my horse regardless of the anxiety inside me. I was shown to take notice of my posture and body language, as any emotional instability would translate into a particular body posture, which would draw out a particular response from the horse. Horses are herd animals as well as prey animals, their survival and well-being depends on effective leadership, someone who knows what they are doing. If you are scared, fearful, and go into states of self-diminishment – it is logical to the horse to get rid of you or at least to make sure that you ‘know your place’ in the hierarchy, with all the consequences that come with it.
Not only are horses very perceptive of the state of being of their fellow herd members, they are also perceptive of the state of being of any human or animal who comes into their environment. In the wild, a predator who’s just had a nice meal and is fully satisfied can stroll past a herd of horses and the horses will peacefully graze on because they already had picked up on this state of being from miles away. If that same animal however had approached them in a state of hunting, they would have run off the moment they noticed the presence of the predator. Much of their behaviour is determined by ‘where everyone else is’. It became very clear that as I changed, my horse would change too. So it happened that my horse became the mirror reflection of me and my state of being – challenging me, pushing me, checking where I am at and responding accordingly.
Unfortunately, many people do not consider this aspect when working with a horse, or any other animal for that matter. If a horse is being unruly, then more control and force is used. Someone in my position can easily move from being a victim to being a perpetrator – doing unto the horse exactly what was done unto me. Horses, in their kind and forgiving nature, will put up with this behaviour until they have either had enough (at which point they get sold or sent to the slaughter house) or until they collapse under physical and/or emotional strain.
To have a willing, trusting and cooperative relationship with your horse, Self-Mastery is absolutely essential. This means constant evaluation and assessment of yourself and your horse. Never assume that your horse is simply being an ‘irrational animal’. These great creatures are very advanced in processing information from their environments – to call them stupid would be a deflection of our own inability to see beyond our own limited perspectives.